I thought I was the one supporting him…
but turns out, it sometimes goes the other way around.
This is the story of how my autistic client helped me through an anxious moment.
This feels vulnerable to share.
But the lesson in this story matters more than my need to be seen as someone who has it all together.
Lately, I’ve been dealing with some big feelings. In particular, Worry and Anxiety have been making themselves very cozy in my body and mind. But I have a feeling I am not alone in that in this current moment in time.
On this particular day a few weeks ago, my emotions felt especially loud. There was a big part of me that wanted to stay under the covers and scroll my phone all day. Yaaah… I know… not exactly my finest coping strategy.
But I had clients to see. And deep down I knew that showing up would probably be the very thing that would be helpful for me.
So I gathered myself and headed out the door.
My first session was with a student I see at his home. We typically start our time together by exploring whatever toys I’ve brought for the day, or by him showing me what his current interest is (lately it’s been trains and elaborate train tracks).
But that day, he had a different plan.
Before I could even take off my boots, he declared,
“Want Aryn do red momo! Outside!” [translation: "let’s go play with the red mower outside in the yard”]
Boots on. Decision made.
Out we went to the front lawn, which was full of yardwork tools. The real deal kind too. Not the plastic kind. A real mower. A real weed wacker. A real leaf blower. But without any power.
And we have played this game before. Usually he leads the way while I narrate and follow along beside him. We build the script together. So I thought I knew how this was going to go.
Yet this day was different.
On this day, he decided it was my turn to use the tools.
Put on the ear muffs.
Pretend the mower is out of gas.
Fill it up with our very convincing stick “ gas hose”.
Pretend to pull the rip cord. At least twice.
Push the mower up and down the lawn.
Do not miss the edges.
When it runs out of “gas”, start again.
Follow the order. Over and over.
Again and again.
Switch tools.
Follow the order.
Over and over.
Again and again.
Repeat.
He sat casually on the rock wall, supervising me. A 6 year old with his legs crossed and everything. Taking his job very seriously.
Making sure I did not skip a single step.
Calling out instructions when I looked like I might abandon the task.
Keep going. That was the message.
And here is the part that caught me off guard:
After a while, I noticed my anxiety had softened.
My chest felt less tight.
My thoughts were quieter.
Fresh air.
Grass and mud under my boots.
Sun on my face (we are very lucky here in Victoria).
Grass and mud under my boots.
Heavy work.
Repetition.
Shared rhythm.
And suddenly I had a realization.
He was showing me what works for him.
He was walking me through the exact kind of sensory and regulating input that helps his own system settle. He knew the sequence. He knew the order. He knew that repetition mattered.
He was not just playing.
He was intuitively teaching.
I think sometimes, as supportive adults, we rush to interpret. We rush to manage. We rush to redirect.
But what if we slowed down long enough to notice that these kids often know, very intuitively, what their bodies need?
Yes, we still support this area. We still scaffold. We still expand their toolbox.
But this work is relational and so is regulation. It moves between us.
We are always impacting each other, whether we realize it or not.
Sometimes we are the anchor.
Sometimes we are the one being steadied.
And that day, he supported me.
So if you are feeling your own worry or big feelings creeping in lately, I invite you to take the guidance of my little friend:
Find something repetitive.
Find something grounding.
Maybe even something a little heavy to move around.
Let yourself get absorbed in the rhythm of it.
And then check in with your body after.
You might be surprised by what shifts.
I know I was.
And I am carrying the wisdom of the red mower with me.
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